The Do’s and Dont’s of Communication and PTSD

These go for both the spouse with PTSD and the spouse without…

DO always tell your spouse how you feel or your point of view

DO take a break to calm down or think about things if either of you need to

DO think before you speak

DO practice patience

DO use the term ‘WE’ more than ‘YOU’ or ‘I’

DO remember timing is everything

DO seek counseling, education, or other resources for learning to communicate better

DO overuse the term ‘I love you.’

DO trust your spouse

DO be aware of your tone of voice

DO listen.

DON’T ever raise your voice or say hurtful or condemning things

DON’T interrupt each other

DON’T give up on communication even if the other party is struggling to communicate effectively or at all

DON’T get frustrated

DON’T beat around the bush

DON’T keep secrets about your emotions or feelings (actually don’t keep secrets period.)

DON’T forget vocal expression is not the only form of communication

DON’T use PTSD or TBI as a label for your spouse

DON’T ever stop working on your communication

DON’T push your spouse to talk when they aren’t ready to

DON’T bring up subjects you know bother your spouse unless it is necessary (this is mostly for the spouse without PTSD)

DON’T assume you know what the other person was trying to express. If you aren’t positive..ask.

 

I will add more as I think of things =) and feel free to comment with more advice on communication if you think of anything!

How she feels about it..

This is a quick emotionly filled message sent on a day I felt frustrated and helpless that I couldn’t be there for my husband..just some venting from the wife of a hero that’s all.

“Ha. You know some people actually have the nerve to think my husband is selfish or doesn’t care about me. When I show up to any kind of event without him. They’re so ignorant they have no idea he’s at home in bed because just the thought of being around people those days make him anxious and shaky. He beat himself up one time just because he couldn’t come shooting with me and his brother. He had nightmares when he napped that day and was shaking in bed unable to even talk to me before we were supposed to go. He’d been making me practice dry firing my pistol for weeks and teaching me stuff to get better. And the first time taking it out I couldn’t figure out why I was all over the place and no one would help me. I was frustrated with myself when we got back and he beat himself up for hours because he was mad he thought he shouldve been there with me because He could’ve fixed my mistake and had me shooting center mass in no time. People have no idea how much he loves me. They’re all ignorant assholes.”